Coping With Grief During the Holidays: Gentle Ways to Take Care of Yourself This Season
The holiday season is often painted as “the most wonderful time of the year” – a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But if you’re grieving, it can feel like the exact opposite. Lights and music start appearing everywhere. Families gather. Traditions resurface. And suddenly, the absence of someone you love feels even heavier than it did the month before. You’re not alone if the holidays bring a mix of longing, sadness, overwhelm, or guilt for not feeling festive.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar, and it certainly doesn’t pause for the holidays. And during a time when the world expects joy, togetherness, and energy, you may feel sadness, exhaustion, or even numbness rising to the surface. If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone — and nothing is wrong with you.
In this post, I’m sharing gentle, realistic ways to cope with grief during the holidays while making space for your needs, your boundaries, and your emotions.
Understanding Holiday Grief
Even if you’ve been coping well throughout the year, the holidays can stir everything back up. Grief can feel more intense during the holiday season because traditions, memories, or expectations highlight what (or who) is missing. You may feel pressure to “be okay,” attend gatherings, or keep up with traditions you’re not ready for — or ones that have changed forever.
It’s important to remember: There is no right way to grieve during the holidays. There is only your way.
Here’s why the season often intensifies grief:
Traditions bring memories to the surface: Family rituals, songs, meals, and decorations can remind you of what — or who — is missing.
Social pressure creates emotional conflict: You may feel expected to be cheerful, present, or “strong,” even when you’re barely getting by.
Changes feel more obvious: The empty chair. The quiet morning. The moments that used to be shared. Holidays highlight the before and after.
Your nervous system is already overwhelmed: Busy schedules, crowded calendars, and sensory overload can make it harder to regulate emotions.
Grief is already heavy — layering holiday expectations on top can feel impossible.
Signs You Might Be Struggling More Than Usual
Grief shows up differently for everyone, but during the holidays you might notice:
Increased sadness or tearfulness
Feeling disconnected from others
Irritability, guilt, or emotional sensitivity
Trouble sleeping
Wanting to isolate
Feeling overwhelmed by decisions or expectations
Anxiety about gatherings, traditions, or interacting with family
These signs don’t mean you’re “going backward.” They simply mean your heart is responding to a meaningful, complicated time of year.
You’re Allowed to Protect Your Energy
One of the most important truths about grief: You do not owe anyone your holiday spirit. You are allowed to:
Say “no” to events
Leave early without guilt
Change traditions
Spend the day differently than you used to
Create new rituals that feel safer or more comforting
Take breaks from people, conversations, or noise
Grief is not an obligation to perform. It’s an invitation to honor yourself.
Ways to Care for Yourself During the Season
Here are some small, gentle practices that can help you soften the weight of the holidays:
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
The holidays tend to bring a push toward positivity: be cheerful, be grateful, “stay strong.” But honoring your grief is an act of strength, too.
Allow yourself to feel sadness, joy, anger, peace — even all of them in the same hour. Grief is not linear, especially this time of year. Give yourself permission to experience the holidays in whatever way feels true for you.
2. Adjust Your Traditions (or Create New Ones)
You don’t have to celebrate the holidays the way you always have. Choose what matters – and release what doesn’t. You don’t have to maintain every holiday expectation.
You can:
Simplify your plans
Skip certain traditions
Create new rituals that honor your loved one or your current season of life
Some people light a candle, cook a favorite recipe, or spend time outdoors. Others choose a quiet day at home. Both are okay.
3. Practice Gentle Boundaries
If holiday gatherings feel overwhelming, it’s okay to say no — or to leave early — or to create limits around what conversations you feel comfortable having.
You might say:
“I may step away if I need a break.”
“I’m planning a quieter holiday this year.”
“I’m not ready to talk about that today.”
Your emotional energy matters.
4. Stay Connected in Ways That Feel Supportive
Grief can make you want to isolate — and sometimes solitude is soothing. But connection can also help anchor you.
Think about what feels most supportive:
Talking with a trusted friend
Sending a text to someone who understands
Attending a support group
Working with a therapist
Connection doesn’t have to be big or loud — just real.
5. Create Moments of Grounding and Rest
Grief is exhausting, especially during a season filled with noise and expectations. Choose calming practices that help regulate your nervous system:
Deep breathing or grounding exercises
Short walks or gentle movement
Guided meditations
Mindfulness moments (like noticing a warm mug in your hands or the way light filters into a room)
Allowing yourself extra rest, even if that means a quieter holiday overall.
Small grounding moments make a bid difference
6. Let Go of the Pressure to “Do the Holidays Right”
There’s no rulebook for how to grieve during the holidays. You can decorate or not decorate. Travel or stay home. Skip gatherings or attend unexpected ones. What’s “right” is what feels supportive to you — not what others expect.
7. Seek Support When You Need It
If you’re moving through grief this season, I want you to know something important:
You’re not failing. You’re grieving. And grief is love that doesn’t know where to go.
Therapy can offer a place to:
talk about your person without feeling like a burden
explore how grief shows up in your body
learn gentle coping strategies
reconnect with yourself
find small moments of peace again
You don’t have to have the “right words” to start. You just have to show up as you are.
If This Season Feels Heavy, You’re Not Alone
If the holidays are hurting more than helping right now, it’s okay to honor that truth. There is no “correct” way to grieve — only your way.
If you’d like support as you move through this season or the months ahead, I’d be honored to walk with you.
You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation to get started. Send me a request to schedule with me here
You deserve support, warmth, and space to heal — in whatever way feels right for you.
